Monday, September 7, 2009


I've always taken pride in my independence. My inability to depend on others- more like my fear of ever depending on anyone. My strength, my need to take care of myself. It's what defines me.

That Weeds quotes speaks to me: "I can't rely on men. It doesn't mean I don't love them. It doesn't mean I walk away. It just means that I adjusted my expectations. Men are weak."

But the truth is... I can't rely on men. I can't let myself. I try not to atleast.

I understood what this meant for me and my ideas on relationships. I understood that this is the reason I built a wall, this is the reason why I was scared to allow myself into relationships. It's the reason why I'm too scared to feel. I think I just wanted to find the guy that I could rely on...

I guess I never thought about what this meant for the men in my life. The ones that actually care and actually want to take care of me- but me being me, I don't let them. I never thought about what it would mean until last night. And now it's running through my head. And now... I'm really not sure what to think...

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