Saturday, September 5, 2009


It's funny. How things end up. How things don't work out. And how sometimes they do.

I love drawing. But my best work comes from a dark place. I have to put myself in a dark place. It's hard. It's somewhat unhealthy. I'm not sure what to do. I think that I let myself get in a dark place because of recent events. I could have brushed it off and walked away, but I let it happen. I'm not sure why I let it happen, but I did. I think it's human behavior, sometimes we just need to feel pain.

I'm done with feeling that way now. I have anger- I won't lie. Those actions that effect me- it makes me angry. I think to myself- "how can someone be such a f'n idiot" or "how does someone have the nerve." I need to let go of that anger. I'm working on it but seriously, people got nerve. Seriously.

"ici et maintenant" - it's on my ring and I wear it all the time. I have this thing... I have to wear it or I feel like my day will fall apart. And before I felt this way I just felt naked without it until a horrible day had come. There's something about it. I know it's silly but I never take it off anymore- almost never.

It means "here and now" in French. Here and now. Live in the here and now. It's simple. Direct. But sometimes I think to myself... How about when the here and now isn't how you want it to be. It's a weird statement. And I don't even think it's at all logical. But sometimes it's just necessary.

Things are sometimes just necessary. We can't always be logical. We shouldn't be. That's not how life works.

No comments: