In Hopes.

I thought about it. I think I want it. I think I don't. Then, you just know.

I thought about relationships. My relationships with my friends & family & the people i'm only getting to know. The way my life works, it could be better of course, but overall the way that I live my life- I don't want much to change. I'm independent, stubborn, indecisive, ridiculous, & raw. I feel like that could change, but I also think I could keep that.

Obviously I'm leading to the idea of a companion, a mate. The problem is... when you get that close to someone... when you open up that deep --how do you not begin to care? And that leads to the seriousness, the human rawness, & the deepness of the situation. To survive it, stick with it is a feat that I'm not ready to take. I still haven't quite found me.

And I hate that term : "finding oneself." I think it's that I'm not 100% comfortable with myself. That might be it.

I need to start drawing, conjuring, creating, & producing.