Dropped, Fooled, & Teased.

As human beings interacting with human beings we get pulled around, dropped, fooled, and teased. It's true, we all do it to each other, but it sucks when you're being the one tugged around. The thing is... I need to learn to prepare myself for failure. Success does not come easy and I'll definitely be facing a ratio of 50:1 (failures:successes). I just need to learn to deal with it and stay on my toes ready to change my plans at any moment.

I'm a planner, I always have been, but the strange thing is that I'm not much of a committer. I hate commitment, maybe that's why I suck at relationships. I hate feeling like I can't just instantly change my mind. Planning is difficult sometimes because how can you really plan for change. We never know what will change around us, but things are always changing and as we are all growing older, things are changing quicker than ever before.

I look back at pictures. I see the changes we've all made since I was in high school. Even since I first came to WSU... a lot has changed. And even more recent, this summer... everything change so quickly it was crazy. I think that's why I had such a good time this break even though things weren't remotely the same, it was good to be around the familiar.

I used to always say that people never change. I'm not sure if I still agree 100%, but I still see some truth in the statement. Have I changed? I like to think I've grown, but never truly changed... the people that really know me from before - still know me as that same person, there's just some things that are a little different.

More recent "changes" and constant "changes" that I've noticed are feelings, perceptions, and emotions.

Feelings. My feelings change quickly. I wish for something more without admitting it. I act like I don't really care, but in fact I do. I try to think of simple when it all seems complicated. I get over it. There you go again, reappearing, but this time around I still care, I still wish for more in the future and I still think simple, but it's different, it's subtle, it's fun.

Other times I get bored. But maybe it's like I said before it's about feeling in control, because right now I feel out of control.

How do you know when something is right? When something is worth risking? When it's time for you to make the change instead of letting everything before you change ?

It's strange. The way my mind works. The way all our minds work. The things that we let ourselves believe.

I haven't really come to the point in my life where changes around me have caused me to change my own plans. I know that point is coming soon enough. I haven't had the freedom to really change my own plans, but it'll happen. It'll be interesting especially since I'm very indecisive in the smallest of decisions, but I think it'll help me grow. So I'm ready. I'm prepared for it all. Omnia Paratus.

This is regarding everything: life style, relationships, commitment, location, job, friends, family, endings, beginnings, failures, successes...

Something bad for me (Dropped, Fooled, Teased) leads to the jump that I've been waiting for.