Friday, October 17, 2008

aged yet refreshed.

During the last week before my birthday I did a few memorable things:
- Cut off 12 inches of my hair and I plan to donate it to Pantene towards Women of Cancer.
- Watched How I Met Your Mother with Papa Dima!
- Went to Luu's apartment and hung out with him and some of his friends.
- Gave myself Columbus Day off and prior to driving back to Pullman I went back to Luu's and watched Smart Guy!

Okay so quick recap of my birthday:
Tuesday night I went out and amazing people bought me drinks. Got wasted and then too wasted that I forgot I shouldn't smoke and puked all over the place. Thursday night was legit - it better happen again tomorrow. Today was okay, I had a party that was pretty legit. Then everyone decided to leave and ... well they forgot to include two birthday people!!!! And some people didn't have a ride away from my house so I was stuck. I wanted to go to MIKES!!! WTF!

So the night ended UN-legit. I'm mad. I'm sad.

I talked to Will Dean on the phone. Interesting...

I talked to Monte through text. I miss him. He's stuck with me. And well... there's something about him... and he knows it. I don't think I could live without him, it already sucks that he's in California and not there when I'm back in Bellevue. Lame.

I need to see him. I'm going to book my flight ... SOON!!!

I'll be sleeping on Monte's bed and I'll be all his. :)

I don't know. Right now, I feel lame... I feel sad. I feel like... I'm not in control and I don't feel like I'm ready for anything. I know I can't exactly say anything, but it just sucks to know, you know. I got tricked. Or wait, I let myself be tricked. But I tried not to. I never made the move, I never asked, I never approached, I never did anything. Lame. This is where it all gets me.

Why? Oh why!?

I have legit friends. I think I just... I'm having a bad night. I wanted to go out. I can't wait for tomorrow. Except for the fact that I need to clean, a shit load. Oh well.

Seriously... SERIOUSLY?!? I'd be fine. I'm fine. I just think I'm drunk or anxious or needy right now. Life goes on. People aren't who you think they are. I don't know how I let myself become this way because I remember CLEARLY that ... my mind, when it all happened, thought, "it's just fun." And honestly I wanted someone else. I wanted to try something else. And I settled. I SETTLED! There... think back, it's never what I wanted. I have something else going on here and it complete fun.

And tomorrow better be legit. Done deal.

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