Monday, October 6, 2008

thoughtful. thoughtless.

Addressing my last post - it's not just girls it can be guys too. It happens. There's just those two roles. The role of the one who cares more and takes it to a deeper place. Then of course there's the role of it's just fun, exciting, and nothing more. I get stuck in between both roles. Most of the time I like to play the latter. But sometimes my head gets caught and I drift off.

I usually tell myself that it wouldn't work. Whoever the guy may be... it just wouldn't work. Why you ask? I have go idea other than the fact that I suck at relationships. I think I need to find someone that I can have that fun mentality with yet let it become more without losing any of the good, new, exciting feelings. And maybe I just need to think for once that it could possibly work.

Janice and I were talking.

Fun randomness keeps things amazing.

Holding hands, random kisses, hugs - it's all companionship. It's feeling that your not alone and that someone wants your company and you have theirs. It changes the dynamic. It makes it less of just a sex situation and makes it more real. It takes more out of you.

Sex is about having fun. Relieving stress. Feeling something good inside that you can't get anywhere else. And afterwards nothing matters. Its just that.

An old conversation I had with Adrian was about cheating.

What constitues as cheating? I think it differs from person to person. From relationship to relationship. Does making out count? I used to think so. But having sex with another isn't a question. That's where my mind wanders off to feeling guilty. And what point in a relationship can cheating even exist? Emotional cheating? Do you believe in it? Getting your emotional fix from someone other them your significant other. I dont believe in it. It's just a way to blame someone else for your insecurities.

I think "emotional betrayal" might occur mostly with long distance relationships. Long distance? I don't think I'd ever be able to handle one and in my own opinion... open relationships are the key to long distance. Unless you have trouble separating sex from "love."

Janice and I also talked about "fill in boyfriends." Strange concept but it happens. And I think its easier.

I tend to throw guys in the friend zone as they might like to call it. It's because its easier for me. I noticed that. It's the persistent ones that get me. Or the ones that make the moves without fear. Because I tend to reject others. But it's not always the case. Yet I never make the move. Rarely. Ya never.

I like guys for their amazingness. His laugh, smile. Ability to notice the uniqueness I have. His stories. His uniqueness. His surprises. His ideals. His acceptance. You jump, I jump, Jack - it'll happen. For now... fun, excitement, and no strings.

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