routine.

Okay I know this is my third time mentioning it. Possibly more than that, just in various forms of words... something's missing, something's off. It's not the same.

Most things I do in life I do in a pattern. I do things a certain way. Routine. I think we all have little quirks, its human nature.

When I make peanut butter and jelly sammiches it goes like this:
1. Take out two slices of bread, held together.
2. As I throw them into the toaster I flip them both over.
3. Pull the bread out and lay them onto a paper towel.
4. Put peanut butter on the right slice.
5. Then I usually put the jelly on the left slice or sometimes I like to put the jelly on top of the peanut butter, just depends.

Okay, I know that was very detailed and irrelevant to where I'm trying to get at, but I have a point.

I just came from downstairs, doing my routine of making myself a peanut butter and jelly sammich, except not... I totally screwed up step 4. I realized it after the fact... I started to put the peanut butter on the left slice.

I know this might seem small and stupid... and ridiculous, but hear me out...

Patterns, routines... isn't that what keeps us all together? I used to ALWAYS wear the necklace that my maa got me from Hong Kong - ALWAYS. I only stopped when I got my tattoo because I didn't want it to irritate my tattoo. The days that I would forget to put it on... it would totally throw me off. I felt "naked."

It's funny because I still keep it with me in my purse.

Falling out of routine... it makes us feel off, strange, unrecognizable. Picking up a new routine can carry the same feelings. But in ways, when you pick up a new routine it's because you're dropping another.

When does a new "routine" truly become a routine?

I think I have an easier time picking up new routines than I do dropping routines. For instance, this summer it was so easy for me to get used to working at Apple and driving to Bellevue and hanging out with completely different (yet amazing) people. It became natural, normal, and routine. It became a part of me.

Yet, dropping that routine - it was difficult. It made me feel ridiculous, lost and gave me a sense of longing.

When I got back to Pullman... being in the warm weather with the warm sun and walking in the warm weather. That was an easy routine to stick to. Now the sun is dimming, the air is getting colder and the routine is getting harder to follow.

Usually when people start relationships - it's easy to get to comfortable and spend more time together. But when people end relationships its hard to stop that... it's hard to stop seeing each other so often and stop talking so often. That's why it's so hard for some couples to just end it... that's why I think it can sometimes be impossible for ex's to stay friends.